Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Applications Invited from Suitable Candidates..

Our company, ABC Investors (ABCI), invites applications from suitable candidates for the role of 'Bonded Labor'. Your job will be to provide our company with substantial salary and significant increments each year. 

Company Philosophy:
ABCI do not believe in management hierarchy. Each employee selected will manage themselves and report to the owner of ABCI. There are no managers in our company. Neither are any time sheets or attendance systems or personal ID card. Each employee is expected to be responsible and conduct themselves in line with the HR policy of ABCI and the laws of the country.

Educational Qualifications: 

Professional Qualification and Experience: 
  1. While we do not expect the candidate to have prior experience for the task at hand, emphasis will be given to candidates with history of demonstrable results. 
  2. We are open to recruit candidates that show exceptional potential, even though the current results do not factor in intrinsic potential of the candidate.
  3. Remember, we will be paying retainer fee for potential, not for your past performance. 
  4. The selected candidate should show self-sufficiency. Any evidence of tendency to borrow money, either long-term or short-term, will lead to immediate disqualification of the candidate. 
  5. Candidate should have strong parentage with demonstrated honesty, integrity and capability to raise strong children. It is very important that parents be actively involved in the growth of the candidate. Candidates whose parents spend less than 50% of their energy on them need not apply. 
  6. Candidates who are high in demand from other employers need not apply. This will be calculated as a ratio of retainer fee to expected results. We are looking for candidates with reasonable R/E (Retainer Fee to Expected Results) valuation.
  7. The selected candidate should have high level of 'Inner Worth' in relation to their retainer fee. We are looking for low value of R/I ratio (Retainer Fee / Inner worth) valuation.
  8. Candidate should have a 5 year demonstrated ability to deliver consistently growing results.
  9. Candidate should have a record of delivering consistent exceptional performance during the last 18 months. 
  10. Candidates should have a demonstrated ability to efficiently manage their resources. 
Job Description: 
  1. The candidate should be registered with one or more Exchanges, preferably those with pan India access.
  2. The selected workers are expected to deliver results from the moment they join ABCI and will continue to deliver results 24*7*365 
  3. No holidays 
  4. You will be given a one time retainer fee based on our assessment of your current worth. The retainer fee will be unilaterally decided by the company. There will be no negotiations. 
  5. In return, you are expected to pay regular salary and significant annual increments to the employer till such time the contract is terminated subject to point 6 and 7 below. 
  6. ABCI reserves the right to terminate the contract for employment without giving any notice to the employee. 
  7. Employee will not have the option of terminating the contract for employment. 
  8. In normal case, subject to point 6 above, the employee will be on probation for a period of 366 days from the date of employment. During the probation period, based on their potential, the company may pay additional retainer fee to the employee. 
  9. The selected candidate is free to work for other employers, subject to point 2 above. 
  10. The selected candidate will be working from recognized employment exchanges using their own devices. Our company will not provide any accommodation, furniture or Laptop to the selected candidate.
ABCI is looking for candidates with demonstrated honesty, integrity and ability to provide sustained hard work and deliver significant returns day after day for years to come. We are looking for a very, very long-term relationship with the selected candidate.

Contact us:
In case you are interested, please drop an email with your performance reports to us at 'XXX@ABCI.YYY' and we will revert.

Post Script:
Sometime back, I read an article on how every Dollar / Rupee that we invest become our employee and works tirelessly for us day after day till that Dollar / Rupee remains invested. I extrapolated the same to equity investments and imagined how the stocks of each company, chosen wisely, can do the same for us. The company works like our employee, providing us returns on our investment day after day till eternity.

Based on that I made this job ad, seeking applications from such companies to be a part of my portfolio. Each company will work as my employee. I am flipping the entire investment process around. Instead of me actively trying to find good companies, I am asking good companies to seek out and find me.

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